The 3 Rules 4 Dealing With Men Who Have A NC
by Forbidden-Hanyou
Summary: -Full Title: The 3 Rules For Dealing With Men Who Have A Napoleon Complex- What if Toshiro and Edward met? What are the guidelines for dealing with two young males with a Napoleon Complex? Well look no further for your answers are in here! NOT YAOI!


**The Three Rules For Dealing With Men Who Have A Napoleon Complex**

FH: Well, this is my entry for fantasysangel's FMA Crossover Contest, in the Fanfiction Category on DA. I don't expect to win anything, but this idea came to me in the shower (XD) and I had a lot of fun researching and writing this one-shot of crossover crack. So I decided to enter into the category of my strength: Fanfiction. Enjoy!

_**+...+**_

_**Definition of a Napoleon Complex:**__ A term used to describe a person with below average__ height__, but has another strength to make up for their flaw(s). It is also used to refer to someone who has an inferior complex about their height. This term comes from the fact that Napoleon was a short man, but a famous military and political leader._

**+...+**

**Rule #1:** Never, under _**any**_ circumstances; say the words small, puny, midget, munchkin, small-fry, kid, short, dwarf, tiny, runt, half pint, little, peewee, shrimp, undersized…_**oh**_, you get the picture. And this is what happens when you do.

**+...+**

Edward Elric was strolling along as he checked out the new town they were visiting, in a completely different country. Alphonse and Winry had decided that he needed a little vacation, so here they were: in Karakura Town, Japan. It was a long ways away from Amestris, that was for sure. Apparently, Winry and Al had chosen the town as their vacation spot because it had the best vacation park in the world, located just outside of town. Ed couldn't see what was so special about the place; a bunch of houses and parks, and a couple of schools, but it just looked like a normal rural town. But Ed did have a sense that the town was hiding something dangerous and abnormal, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Sighing, Ed stepped over to a bench and sat down, not noticing an orange haired teenager sitting on the other end. Ed put his face in his hands and let out an annoyed grunt. He _**hated**_ vacations. There was no training in it _**at all.**_

The orange haired teenager turned to Ed once he heard him sigh, and gazed curiously at him.

"What's the matter midget?" the orange haired teen asked gruffly. Ed stiffened in anger and turned to look at the boy beside him. Flames seemed to literally emanate from him as he turned his sharp golden eyes to the honey-brown of the male beside him. The orange-haired teen seemed to wilt as Ed jumped up and began to wave his arms around and yell in anger.

"Who are you calling a half pint puny shrimp? What else you want to call me: a half-pint bean-sprout midget? I'm still growing you idiot!" Ed yelled, as flames escaped his mouth in fury. The orange haired teen leaned back and held up his hands in (what he hoped was) a placating manner.

"I'm sorry! Chill out short stuff! I meant no harm! Name's Ichigo Kurosaki and I just wanted to cheer you up a bit," Ichigo said quickly with a smile, hoping to placate the golden haired boy. If anything, what he had said only made it worse. Ichigo's smile faded as he quickly realized that the boy meant to chase him and beat the living daylights out of him once he got hands on him. Ichigo began to run, with Ed hot on his tail.

"_**Short stuff**_? SHORT STUFF? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A HALF PINT MIDGET IS CAPABLE OF!" Ed shouted at him, as he chased Ichigo in a raging fury.

"I SAID I WAS _**SORRY**_!" Ichigo shouted back at him, just as he dodged a punch aimed at the back of his head. He began to run faster.

'_He reacts worse than Tōshirō about __**his**__ height!'_ Ichigo thought in incredulity, as he continued to run, Ed chasing after him and calling out insults all the while, as Ichigo constantly tried to apologize in return. It was a no-go.

**+...+**

**Rule #2: **Never, _**ever**_, tell them that they look like and/or are an elementary school kid. You just might get frozen.

**+...+**

Tōshirō Hitsugaya grumbled as he carried the paper grocery bags overflowing with food out of the convenience store and headed towards Inoue's house. He hated when Matsumoto failed to remember to do anything, especially her paperwork; and getting groceries. Even though he was abnormally strong in his gigai, due to his strength as a shinigami, he still found it troublesome to carry three stuffed and over flowing paper bags full of food all the way back to Inoue's home. The irritating bags blocked his view from the front and he had to look to the side and use his memory to walk back to Inoue's. It was tiring and irritating, due to the fact that he couldn't see over the bags he was holding. He sighed in irritation before bumping into something, or rather _**someone**_. Nearly losing his grip on the paper bags of groceries, he stumbled back and attempted to right himself. A young woman's voice reached his ears and a hand landed on his shoulder to help steady him.

"Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there! Are you ok?" the woman asked, as she peered over the bags to try and get a better look at Tōshirō. Tōshirō himself tried to peer over the groceries to get a better look at the irritating woman who had just nearly caused him to ruin his groceries. It was a young woman with long light blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail, with two sections of hair free on either side of her face and hanging just before her pierced ears. Her light blonde bangs were in a side-swept style, going from right to left across her forehead. She had bright blue eyes that shined with a gentle bubblyness. She was fairly tall, standing about 5"1 to his 4"4 inches. Tōshirō felt slightly even more irritated upon discovering this fact.

"It's no trouble. I'll just be on my way now," Tōshirō grunted, as he made to walk around her. The woman's hand flew out, and before he had realized it, she had snatched two of the three bags out of his arms and held them snuggly to her chest with her two arms. Tōshirō was quite miffed when he noticed that the top of the bags barely brushed her shoulders, further announcing to the world of his short stature. Tōshirō quivered in anger.

"Nonsense! I almost ruined your groceries! Helping you is the least I can do to repay you," she said, winking, "and by the way, my name is Winry Rockbell! What is yours?" Tōshirō ground his teeth and very nearly growled. She tried his patience almost as bad as his Fukutaichō! Glaring at Winry, he answered her question, a hint of anger in his tone.

"Tōshirō Hitsugaya," he ground out, as he turned abruptly and started heading towards Inoue's. Winry didn't seem put out by his attitude, and instead quickly caught up to him and fell into step with him.

"Well, Hitsugaya-san, what's an elementary school kid like you doing out of school this early on a Friday? And getting groceries by yourself no less? It's only 11:36 am!" Winry exclaimed, looking down at Tōshirō in curiosity and disbelief. A blue aura seemed to radiate from Tōshirō as a shadow covered his face and he hunched over. Winry shivered as the air suddenly became a bone-chilling cold. Tōshirō finally looked up, and his angry teal eyes met startled blue. His voice, once simply irritated before, was now quiet and deep with frozen and biting cold anger.

"I am _**not**_ an elementary student!" he spat frostily, glaring up at Winry. Winry stepped back in surprise from not only the cold, but the intense anger in his voice as well.

"I'm so sorry Hitsugaya-san! I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me for my rudeness!" Winry said sincerely, pleading. For a minute, Tōshirō didn't move, and then he let out a breath and visibly relaxed and began walking again, leading the way back to Inoue's. The temperature noticeably went back to normal. Winry quickly caught up to him before he took more than three steps. His voice came out satisfied.

"I accept your apology," he stated, as he continued on. Winry looked down at her feet in shame as they continued walking. The rest of the walk was an uncomfortable silence that neither dared to break. Once they had reached the door to Inoue's home, Tōshirō opened the door and set the bag in his hands down on the floor before turning to Winry and silently asking for the two bags in her arms.

"Oh, that's right! Here! I'm so sorry!" she squeaked nervously, as she handed him the bags. He quickly took them and set them next to the other one, then he turned back around to say thank you, when he had saw that she was already gone. Confusion spread over his face and he scratched his head before shrugging and turning around, he closed the door behind him, intent on putting away the groceries before they spoiled.

**+...+**

**Rule # 3: **Never say _**anything**_ about a man's short height while another short man—who is shorter even—is in the same room. They _**will**_ attack as one like a pack of wolves.

**+...+**

Tōshirō Hitsugaya and Edward Elric both sat next to each other, as they watched their so-called 'friends' and family members party away at the Kurosaki residence. Apparently, once Ed had satisfyingly beat the crap out of Ichigo, the two became fast friends, and it turned out that Winry had met Tōshirō the same day as Ed had met Ichigo. And they had only just found all this out when Ed had brought his girlfriend Winry and his little brother Alphonse, or Al, to the party. Tōshirō had been forcibly dragged to the party by Rangiku Matsumoto, who had said something about needing her daily dose of sake and that he would have fun. But so far, in Tōshirō's opinion, he was having the worst time of his life. Stealing a glance at his Fukutaichō, he saw her having a drinking contest with Winry, Ichigo, Ikkaku Madarame, and Yumichika Ayasegawa. He looked on in disgust, as he wondered how they could stand the taste of alcohol at all. Ed meanwhile, was stuffing his face with the party food that he had gathered onto his paper plate, acting as if he hadn't eaten in a day in his life. Tōshirō snorted in disgust before looking around once again at the party goers. Karin Kurosaki sat next to him on his right on the couch, with Ed to his left. She was slowly eating the food on her paper plate and silently observing the spectacle of the drinking contest with a bored demeanor. But, that was just like her. His secret love interest. So far, no one but them knew, since they were still planning on how to break the news to everyone. He was deterred from his musings as an already drunken Ichigo called out to Ed, who was still inhaling his food.

"E-Ed! C-Come on o-over! S-Show them that m-midgets know how t-to out drink everyone e-else!" he slurred, as he leaned forward and spilled some of the sake that was in his cup on the floor. Ed immediately stiffened, with Tōshirō stiffening as well. The temperature in the room dropped several degrees, causing several of them to shiver. Karin merely rolled her eyes at Tōshirō and sat back, preparing herself for the show. She already knew what he would do, since she knew him so well. Fire seemed to radiate from Ed on the other hand, and he stood up and starting stalking towards Ichigo, a murderous aura surrounding him. Tōshirō immediately stood as well, though making his way more slowly and calmly than Ed.

"Who are you calling a puny small-fry shrimp! You strawberry-head!" Ed exploded, getting ready to pounce on the bleary-eyed and alcohol-induced teen. Tōshirō stepped next to Ed, and spoke.

"Kurosaki…!" he growled, also prepared to attack. Ichigo merely blinked up at them innocently with his bleary eyes. That only served to anger them, and they first nodded to each other, before tackling the poor boy as one. He had no idea what had hit him until it was too late. Sadly, the next day Ichigo had somehow ended up with hair that was a bright pink that would put Yachiru Kusajishi's bright pink hair to shame. Like I said, _**wolves**_; the lot of them.

**+...Owari...+**

FH: Well I hope you guys liked it! I've never written anything for FMA, and I'm not very familiar with it, since it's been years since I've seriously watched FMA. I also wanted to give a few fun facts that I had found out while doing my research, and I was surprised on the similarities that I had found while doing my extensive research. Here they are!

**Tōshirō & Edward's Differences:**

**1)** Tōshirō has white hair, and Edward had golden blonde hair.

**2)** Tōshirō has deep teal eyes, while Edward had bright golden eyes.

**3)** Tōshirō's hair sticks straight up, while Edward's hair is long and kept back in a ponytail or braid.

**4)** Tōshirō is 4"4 inches tall, while Edward is 4"11 inches tall (That's my exact height! XD)

**5)** Tōshirō's personality is generally calm and cold, while Edward's personality is generally explosive and fiery.

**Tōshirō & Edward's Similarities:**

**1)** They both have Napoleon complexes.

**2)** They both are powerful even though they are short.

**3)** They are both highly intelligent geniuses for their ages.

**4)** They are both voiced by Yomi Park in the Japanese versions.

**5)** They are both unusually short young males.

**6)** Both are fairly popular with the fangirls… ;)

FH: Apparently, they have more similarities than differences… ;)

FH: Thank you all and please review! I would like your feedback on this, since I've never done anything with FMA, so I knew next to nothing about it, so I have to do extensive research and watch videos to make sure I made all the right reactions. Were they all in character? Was is realistic on how I meshed the two anime together? Please let me know!


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